TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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