no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
