we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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