the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm at about main and main street
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
