She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
