Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
