So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
