it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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