i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
