if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
