1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
