I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
