Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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