When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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