WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Bring me that man meat
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
