that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
