New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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