That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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