Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
