I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
