My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize