420 ftw
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
