She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
