Where is the hickey?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The ass gains better be worth it
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