If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
