Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
