hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
