Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
