So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
