Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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