i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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