he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish my penis had a tongue
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
