my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
