Your tits are I can't wait for
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
