my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
