Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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