This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
