Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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