wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
