Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
