ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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