Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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