I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
