Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
