i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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