Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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