and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
