I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize