Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
