i think my tv is drunk
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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