Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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