I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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