I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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