so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
