I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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