Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm really busy with my period
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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