I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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