i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
