Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
