No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
