Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
