xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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