Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
