mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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