I think my fart just growled at me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
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if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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