I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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