Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I party with great urgency now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
