i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
