We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
