you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
