In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
