oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
