Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
