Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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