just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
