Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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