my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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