things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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