..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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