i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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