i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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