Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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